I've got a massive bucket(list)...

Now don't get me wrong, I bloody hate it when it gets to New Years day and everyone's New Year Resolutions come up and their bucket-lists are splashed everywhere, summaries on the year etc. so I'm gonna get mine out the way now.
This year has been pretty bog-standard. Had a mega poo start to the year, wasted my time on the wrong people but also met some of the best people in my life (shoutout to Meg & Labbie). Finished Uni in May and went to Amsterdam with my uni pals and I thought that was going to be the start of the best summer yet, I had Stone Roses coming up on the 15th of June with Dad, my 19th on the 25th and the whole of summer to make the most of.
Roses were incredible, up there as one of the best gigs of my life, despite Public Enemy being dog-arse. But after that, June-August it were pretty awful. I had no job, I'd finished my first year of Uni so all my friends had gone home/away for summer, England got kicked out the Euros by Iceland, I broke my toe on my Birthday, it were Gramps' Birthday the week after & the anniversary of his death and all I did for those 2 months was drink 4 days out of 7 every week for about 6 weeks. I only got to see my friends at home on weekends because they worked full time, Mom and Dad were working/on holiday in Turkey and I ended up spending 6 hours a day playing PokemonGo on my own - I were a dreg I know. Then mid-July I had an interview for a job at my favourite football club for a job in hospitality, applied just to shut Dad up because obviously I was living off nothing and going out 4 times a week and some how I bagged the job. Now I've worked there just under 3/4 months and I've already been promoted so it turns out I have a gift in selling pies - who knew ey.
Then Tember-now I got another job, clearly I'm employable?? And went back to uni which at the minute I cannot wait to see the back of because assignments and deadlines are coming out of my earholes. Stopped going out and drinking as much which you know is always good (for my livers sake anyway) despite it turning me into the biggest lightweight I know - except Labbie and Budge (sorry not sorry).
But it's 2 weeks until I finish uni for 2016 and 3 weeks until Christmas, shoot me now I haven't any money of anyone's present bar my Dad's so this will go well. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, this years turned out pretty alright - you watch me jinx this now and it all goes tits up and I spend Christmas day being sick and crying about how much I hate my life.

Despite me being content with everything I definitely want to try and do more/get more out of life rather than having lazy days and not leaving bed until 3pm or going out all the time then having 3 day hangovers. SO the way I see it is - if I publicly post my bucket-list (like those annoying gits do on NYD) then by this time next year I can look back and see how successful/unsuccessful I've been.
Now I'm not going to be unrealistic and plan to lose 9 stone or something saft but I've always been one of those get up and go kinda people so I suppose I've gotta do what 11 year old MillyB would of and just do it.

1. Get my shoulder tattoo. Now this sounds silly to put on a bucket list because it's so bloody do-able but I just keep putting it off. I don't really understand why I'm being such a tit because I've already got my one on my ribs and I've wanted this one longer. Yet, I still haven't had it done so by this time next year Millyboo you better have those roses on your shoulder.
2. Go back to Poland. I went to Auschwitz and Krakow when I was in Year 10 with school and it was the most harrowing but enlightening trip of my life. It was so fascinating to see the camps, hear the stories and see what those poor people had to endure and live in. The reason as to why I want to go back is because now I'm older I know I'd appreciate it more and I'd pay a lot more attention to the stories we were told etc. I'll give myself a 4 year window to do this one because well I'm a student and I'm poor.

3. Get at least 25 people I know to sign up to be blood donors. Now, the reason as to why I'm putting this one on here is because my previous post had almost 400 views, so I know at least 10 of you read the whole of the last post. Blood donating is something very close to my heart and that's because a lot of my family members have relied on blood transfusions to keep them alive, holla MommaJuels & Grampy. I used to be the biggest wuss when it came to needles, I used to cry, scream and run out the room if the nurse ever mentioned the word needle but once you've done the first donation then you realise 1. it doesn't hurt 2. how easy it is to save a life thanks to that 1 needle. I've been a donor since I was 16/17 and it's so easy & so rewarding. You can save lives for literally lying on a bed for 5 minutes it is that easy. Anyway for more info on that you can message me or click here. 
4. Finish University with at least a 2:1. Now this is a biggy because it's not something I can achieve in a day. After Christmas I've really gotta push the boat out at university so that I can at least try my best to get the 2:1 I want by the end of my degree. Don't get me wrong I'd love a First but being a thick girl from Dudley you gotta be realistic, ayit.
5. Go to a music fesitval!!!!! This is a saft one cos it's easy enough to do. I love camping, I love music but every year I promise myself I'll go to a festival - and never bloody go. So Summer 2017 Milly B get yourself a ticket and a tent because you're going to one.
6. Move out. SORRY MOM N DAD, I LOVE YOU N'ALL BUT IN 3 YEARS TIME I GOTTA BE IN MY OWN NEST, I CAN'T DEAL WITH YOU BEING IN CHARGE OF THE TELLY.
7. Go Inter-railing. I didn't do 11 years of Scouting and learn how to use a compass and a map to not apply it to something in my life. So by the time in 22 if I haven't gone inter-railing then I'm going for my 22nd bday, you saw it here first okay.
8. Do a sky-dive. Now this is the one I'm gonna regret posting. I bloody hate heights. I get motion sickness and can't even go on a roller-coaster but I am determined to do a sky-dive for charity by my 21st Birthday so I've given myself a year and a half to find some balls. Pops is gonna howl with laughter when he reads this because he's wanted me to do one for years. So here I am, promising you all now - by my 21st Birthday I, Amelia Grace Barnfield, will have done a sky-dive for charity. 

9. Run a half-marathon. Run being a very loose term. Nah, those who know me will know I'm as fit as a baby pig. I don't really do much exercise anymore because I'm lazy and drive everywhere (and my gym buddy Mollmoo has gone back to uni so I have no motivation lol). So by this time next year I'm going to of at lest attempted to run half a marathon. I mean I can't guarantee that I'll A. run it or B. finish the half marathon but you know I'll give it a good go - PureGym I'm coming for you.
10. Not have any secrets hidden from my loved ones. So my final one is a kinda cryptic one. All I'll say is that I'm a right stickler for bundling stuff up and keeping all my worries and stuff to myself but I really, really want to change that. I guess I get worried that I'll look weak or foolish or silly etc. so I don't bother telling people stuff. But, but Christmas 2017 I want to be able to look at my loved ones and know that there's nothing I can't tell them.

And that's me done! My 'massive' bucket-list. I'm totally gonna regret staying up writing this when I've gotta be up at 6am but here we are MillyB you never learn. Let me know what's on your bucket-list & how realistic you think mine is!

That's me done for today and probably done until after the 12th of December as I've got so many assignments to do and submit as well as working and socialising so until then,
Barry x.

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You were my best friend but then you...

So I know this blog's called 'happyasbarry' so I'm supposed to try and do happy posts but this one is going to throw a spanner in the works. If you're a tear-jerker then leave now because it's gonna be sad in parts.
Sounds silly but I'm one of those people that always tries to act/be happy because I don't like bringing people down but bottling up really doesn't help, so I'm gonna let it all out now. Those of you who know me will know that I'm usually a happy, buzzed, confident kinda girl but sometimes I get sad, very, very sad. There's only one thing that won't leave my mind and it probably never will but that thing is the death of my Grampy.

Now I'm not saying I don't love my other family members because I do, my Mom, Dad & brother are like my best friends but my Granddad Ray was the apple of my eye. My oldest childhood memories are full of him as are the majority of other memories I have from when growing up and that's because he & my Nanny Mary played such an important role in my life.
When I was younger Mom and Dad both used to work full-time jobs so Gramps and Nan would pick me and Tom up from nursery/school so I'd see them 6 out of 7 days a week (Sunday's were always spent with them too) and used to spend the whole of summer with them so they became secondary parents. I always remember in the Spring we would walk to the top of the road by my primary school and I'd stand under the blossom trees and Gramps would shake the branches so I got showered in petals and just laugh and dance whilst he did too. Then we'd get home and he'd always make some crazy concoction of ice cream, chocolates and sweets and I used to have to sneakily eat it otherwise Nan would shout at him.
As a family we would go on holiday for 2 weeks every summer and safe to say, those holiday's were the best holiday's I've ever had. One holiday Granddad got food poisoning and I woke up and his lips were that swollen he looked like Angelina Jolie. There was never a dull moment with Granddad around.
But now their are dull moments, and quite a few of them. I miss when he used to get Tom's 'Action Man' stuck in the oak tree in the garden so he'd throw brooms, rakes and all-sorts up there trying to free it - which failed to work meaning he had to get on the shed roof and remove like 20 items by the end of it. I miss the times when used to throw me and catch me and then the time I knocked the clock off the wall and it cracked his head open (honestly the geez was so unlucky.) But the thing I miss the most is the happiness he brought.
My Dad and Granddad's relationship was like nothing I've ever seen. They were two peas in a pod. And I know Dad won't mind me saying this but they were best friends and they're my best friends too. Gramps always brought us happiness and it was just effortless, he just beamed of it. His contagious laugh and warm smile was like no other.
The love he and my Nan shared was admirable. They used to bicker like every couple did but we all knew neither of them meant it, they were just so in love.

The man was just a delight to have. He was so loving, compassionate and warm. He treated anyone like his own and was so selfless. He treated my Mom like a daughter he never had. He loved everyone and anyone. He was a real hard-working man, and lived a very busy and jam-packed life. Worked hard for himself and his family and he should be very proud because he is everything I want to be and more.

The reason why all this ramble is coming out now is because
1. It's something I feel like I need to say.
2. Christmas is on the way.
Now I bloody love Christmas but nobody loved it more than Granddad. Every year he would plaster the house in trimmings from tinsel to tree's to singing mice in a stocking - Granddad went all out. Every year we would watch Home Alone 1 & 2 at least 20 times during the festive period. We would know (I still know) it word for word and cry with laughter throughout the films like it was our first time watching them. We'd eat rum truffles and sing our hearts out to Boney M Mary's Boy Child whilst dancing round the kitchen. He and Dad would dress up as Santa on Christmas day for me and Tom, it was magical. But that doesn't happen anymore, because he's not here.
 Don't get me wrong, I still have a brilliant Christmas with my wonderful family, but it isn't the same. The magic has gone because Gramps has gone.
I'll never forget the day he got diagnosed with cancer, because that was the day he should of died. I don't mean that in the sense of I wanted him to die but he defied every single odd to survive that day. We/he didn't know he had cancer and his bowel burst, meaning that all the wastage in his body was in his blood stream, basically meaning he has blood poisoning and the cancer & waste was being pumped around his body. That day was April 12th 2011. The doctors told my parents to expect the worst, there was a very likely chance that he wouldn't see the day through, he lived for almost 3 years after that day. Sadly, in the end it killed him but he fought and fought through so much treatment and pain for 3 years to watch me and Tom grow into the people we are now.
This is going to sound very selfish but I wish he could of held of just a bit longer. He died on July 24th 2013. I was 16. Thankfully he lived to see me leave school & do him proud and got to see me turn 16 but there was still so much he has missed/will miss.
We always used to say that he'd teach me how to drive, he'd be there on my wedding day to see Dad give me away. He'd meet my children and be the best Great-Granddad a child could ask for, but sadly, he had to go.
It's still so raw. That might be because this is the first death I've had to experience but it was definitely one of the worst because he was so important to me. But I know he's still here, and still in my heart and mind forever but I'd do anything for one more day. One more conversation. One more laugh. But I can't have that.

I suppose the reason why I've done this blog-post is because I see a lot of things on social media of people moaning about their families or I see that people don't appreciate having their loved ones still with them and that really does upset me because I don't want them to feel the way I do now. I used to see Gramp 3/4 times a week towards the end of his life but for me I wish I'd spent more time. The last time I saw him was mine and his joint Birthday meal in July 2013, I didn't see him after that. I just want to say that I'm sorry if I've let you down Gramp. I hope I haven't and that you're always in my heart and mind. I'll never forget you and I'm eternally grateful for the memories and times we shared.
Just please, those of you who are reading this, make the most of the time you have with people, especially at Christmas.

Merry Christmas as always Gramps. (early I know).

Thank you for everything, love and miss you always.

I hope I haven't made anyone cry with this so sorry if I have, I promise the next one will be happier.

Until next time,
Barry x.

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If you're happy and you know it read my blog... (or if not read it too it's about happiness)

There is nothing worse than when you're ill and over-tired on a Monday and you don't shake it off all week, which is exactly how I will feel tomorrow. After only getting 13 hours sleep across 3 nights it's safe to say I'm exhausted but that doesn't mean I can use that as an excuse for not doing my posts, which I did last week, oops sorry my effort is poor I know. This week I've been up and down more than a fireman on a pole, I've been crying, I've been laughing, I've been stressed out to hell but you've gotta remember to smile at the end of it/when you know you've got a night-out coming up (Liverpool next weekend, eeee!!)

But even when you know you're gonna be spending the week sitting in doing uni work or you're working all weekend you need to remember how important happiness is. We all have days that have us pulling our hair out, especially me. I mean this weekend I worked almost 18 hours in two days whilst trying to juggle seeing family, friends and doing my boat load of uni work, the uni work I should really be doing now but here we are, whoops. However, I spent the day surrounded by 3 of my best friends so my lazy day was spent well. 

Anyway, what I'm waffling myself onto is how I keep myself happy/how you can keep yourself happy. I'm a strong believer in if you get knocked down, get straight back up but if you're a lazy git like me getting up off the floor is a task and requires a table/chair's support to help you get back on your feet so let me be your table/chair/helping hand. I'm not too sure why I try and do all these happy, positive posts like I'm Vanessa Feltz because my life is as messy as me on a Saturday night after a bottle of Southern Comfort and 4 Sambuca's but here we are, I'll give it a good go.

1. Dance. I said this in my post the other week but dancing is the best remedy going I'm telling you now. Even if it's a little boogie when you're making your mom (it's mom not mum before you start) a cuppa (which I rarely do so sorry Juels, you love me deep down) or if your favourite song comes on when you're in the car, having a sing and a dance will always help lift the mood. I mean all I've gotta do is put Sorry on by Béyonce and I'm off thinking I'm the queen B herself. I mean I know I am basically her double but you know. Just if you're reading this now, wondering why you're bothering in reading my waffle or if you're in a rubbish mood then take a little 4 minute break, slap H'TWO'O 'What's It Gonna Be' on and I can tell you now you'll be sweet as a nut and if you're not then sorry, I can't help you so you may as well leave now. 

2. Cut the negativity out of your life. Sometimes the thought of losing someone you love/care for makes you feel sick so you'll stand by them no matter what. But sometimes you need to stand back and look at both pros and cons that come from the relationship with the person and if they make you more unhappy than they do happy then you need to let them go. Brutal as it is but you don't need your friends to be stressing you out as well as everything else. Friends, family, partners etc. are supposed to be there to support you, help you, shout at you when you've been an absolute melt (like me 99% of the time so s/o to Possum, Twenty-Blue, DJBJ, Cocktail Queen, Pineapple Klopp & everyone else for tolerating my absolute mares) and if they don't then listen to me & my Queen Béyonce... 

3. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Now, as all my friends will know, I am the worse for moping around when I'm upset. I will either 

a. Cry. 

b. Get drunk.

c. Argue with everyone, especially my poor mother, I love you Julieboo.

d. Sleep

So safe to say I never really resolve my issues, I just try and step around them like they're a little puddle in the road when really they're like that puddle in Vicar of Dibley, 3.2.1, gif.

I don't think I've ever seen something that represents my life so accurately and if you know me well, you can vouch for me too. Anyway, I suppose I'm trying to say, don't be like me. I'm gonna try and listen to my own advice too so if I can do it, so can you. Just don't be afraid of being wrong. We all make mistakes, whether it be something little like you know, accidentally forgetting your skirt and walking all the way to school with just your tights on or something major like, oh I don't know, driving the wrong way down a dual-carraigeway - whatever it is, it won't kill you (as long as nobody dies) so stop worrying. So, if you're doing a 2,500 word essay right now and you're only on 650 words, Pineapple Klopp you got this boo, then stop worrying - this will not help you. As a wise old man told me (it was a coke-head called Steve that I met in Player's but sh that doesn't help create the image I was after) “Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.” and safe to say, coke-head Steve is right. It only makes things worse. So stop worrying, pull your socks up, get a cup of tea and deal with it. 

4. Go and get some space.
Where I live isn't the best place in the world but big up to the big BC for providing me with both a mix of urban and sweet countryside. When I'm upset/stressed/down/angry the thing that always sorts me out is going on a walk. Even if it's a 10 minute walk around your estate or and hour round your local park. If you're feeling frustrated then I beg you, put half and hour aside, leave your phone at home/turn airplane mode on and listen to your favourite song and just walk. The fresh air will help ease your mind and clear your head so that when you return to your work/argument/assignment - whatever it is - you'll have a clear and sensible resolution because you've taken the time to pause and think logically. 

5. Think of other people.
If you're like me, when something goes wrong, you'll use the line "shoot me now" or "I'm just gonna kill myself" etc. etc. all because you know someone pulled out on you in a junction or when that one person you hate walks into the room and is so far up your arsehole you feel like you're giving birth and you just wanna knock them out. The issue with this is, we as a generation/nation are the biggest drama queens to ever bless the Earth. The problems of a third-world country actually make us a joke. Imagine being homeless, you have no family, no friends and you're lucky if you're gonna find a door-way to sleep in tonight - that's when you should be contemplating taking your own life - not when McDonald's McFlurry machine has broken. I suppose the point I'm trying to get to is just, be grateful. I'm not saying let's laugh in the face of those who are really suffering but I suppose I just think we need to realise, not all is bad. If someone cuts you up so you have to emergency stop, peak for you but maybe if you weren't such an ass and just let them out then you wouldn't be having to slam your breaks on 'ey. I understand we all have bad days and stuff gets too much but I can promise you now - there is someone a lot more worse off than you so if they can get through their poor lives then so can you. 

I think the whole reason why I've written this is because they're a lot of people in my life at the moment who are down/stressed/worried/upset and I just want them to know that it's all going to be grand. You're beautiful people and your life is in your hands so don't waste it. Don't go to sleep and think 'tomorrow is going to be as bad as today" because it is that kind of mental attitude that will get you trapped in the vicious cycle of unhappiness, something which hopefully I've managed to shake you out of. If I haven't then sincere apologies but I gave it a good go. 
I mean I always try to pick people up when they're down because I expect people to do the same for me. I say always, that's a little white lie. Just gonna say massive apology to the guy whose car-park space I stole 4 weeks ago and laughed at whilst saying "It's a dog eat dog world fam, if you can't win cheat." so I'm sorry for making your day worse but like I said in point three, everyone makes mistakes. 

So I hope this little (massive) post has helped cheer you up a bit, those who made it this far anyway and wish you all the love and a delightful week. Not going to lie, I'm probably going to miss next week's post/post on the wrong day due to the fact that this weekend I intend to get completely obliterated in Liverpool so apologies in advance. (I'M SO EXCITED I CANNOT WAIT.)

Anyway,

Until next time. 
Barry x. 

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