SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

Big happy hiiiiii from my gal Alaska (and from me)!! So last post was 7 weeks ago and I was saying how amazed I was with how far I've come since starting university. And since then I've gone even further!

If you don't know, I've bagged me a job! You're now looking at a Junior Graphic Designer! I know, I'm as shocked as you. But, this job is the job I've dreamed of for the last two years after realising design is where I wanna go but did I think I'd get me a full-time, paid job, as a Junior Graphic Designer a week after finishing uni? No I bloody well didn't. But somehow I've done it!

I'm currently doing part-time as I've got to work my notices at my other jobs but I already love it! It's a Monday morning, I'm in the office, waiting to start work, Shaggy 'It Wasn't Me' is on the radio and I've already got that Friday feeling!! It doesn't feel like a job? Because so far I'm loving it. Time flies when I'm at work and I've never had that feeling before.

Another thing giving me that Friday feeling is that Love Island is back tonight! AND I'm going on holiday in three weeks with my lovely George!!!!

So in summary, I'm still out here living my best life at the age of 20 whilst being in full time work! I hope your Monday is as happy as mine!

Until next time,

Barry x.

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If you’d of asked me 3 years ago where I’d be now, I’d never of said where I’ve ended up.

So this ones gonna be a soppy one, omg no way, really Mill?! But I’ve been sitting here for the last hour trying to get to sleep but what a shock, it isn’t happening. So here I am sitting in the dark watching 8 Out of 10 Cats whilst spamming my boyfriend with texts about how I don’t deserve him and that he’s the best person to bless this earth (which he is). Anyway, looking back at the Mill from three years ago: I was in my final year at college, getting ready for my exams and had my heart set on not going to university. I was gonna work full time at my old pub and work myself up to management. I was too young to go out but still used my mates ID which said I was 24 (some how it worked) and I looked like a chubby butch woman. I very much had no control of my life and had no goals, dreams or desires.

Now, three years on, I’m 31 days away from submitting my final university assignment and on the way to getting me a degree?? I’m a stone lighter and 90% satisfied with my appearance. I’m 10 weeks away from my 21st Birthday/first holiday with my partner in crime. If you’d of told 17 year old Mill that in three years time she’d be getting a degree and planning to move out with an absolute dream of a geeza I’d of probably laughed in your face and told you where to stick it.

Back then I used to have such a low self-esteem and fully believed I was gonna live a life like Bridget Jones, don’t get me wrong - there’s still time for it to all go in that direction - but I never thought I’d be as happy as I am now. In the last three years I’ve changed so much, physically and mentally and I just can’t wait to see what the next three years hold.

I am so lucky to have such an amazing family, boyfriend and friends around me, keeping my head above the water - I’ve just got 1 last push left to get my university work submitted to the best possible standard AND get the job I deserve after I qualify. I mean, it’s possible - I think???

Here you go Mill, look back at this on April 17th 2021 and hopefully you’ll be in an EVEN BETTER place than you are now! You got this hunti x

Until next time, Barry x 

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Let’s address the elephant in the room...

It’s 2018. Gay marriage is legal in 26 countries. Women are getting more and more equal rights. In the UK last year we finally had more first time buyers in the first time since 2006. Apart from Donald Trump and a couple of other idiotic world leaders, we seem to be on the right track yet I find that being a young adult is harder than ever.

The main problem that I see is that nowadays everybody is jealous of each other. Not in the sense of money/babies/buying houses, in the sense of what we compare ourselves to on social media. On social media we see girls who are a Size 4 on top but have the batty of a queen. Or we see people who are younger than us buying their first houses and feel like we aren’t “successful”. Someone in your class gets a better mark than you so you feel like a failure. We care too much about what other people are doing/achieving rather than how successful we are as individuals.

We need to stop comparing our lives to everyone else’s. Just because someone has a better car than you, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed, just because your mates got a good relationship, it doesn’t mean that they’re superior to you. 

We need to stop comparing ourselves to each other and SUPPORT each other. If you see someone on your feed whose got a mint job/a promotion at work - TELL THEM WELL DONE. ENJOY THEIR POSITIVITY AND HAPPINESS. If you see a happy couple on Insta, appreciate that someone has found their better half!! If someone’s shifted a stone and they look BEAUTIFUL, TELL THEM!! 

But despite this, CELEBRATE YOURSELF! If you’re happy in your bod, FLAUNT IT, if your mom’s a queen, TELL PEOPLE, if you’re in love with your partner and want to tell the world, DO IT!! 

If you’re worried about people “moaning” about your posts on social media - DELETE THEM. If you worry people are prying on your posts, DELETE THEM! 

The quote I go by, and always will is: “if something making you happy, GET RID”

And on that note, I’ve addressed the elephant in my room. 

I’m doing well at uni, I’ve got the love of my life by my side and mine/his wonderful family and friends supporting me ALL THE WAY. 

Bin the negativity and I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better. Because I deleted over 600 people off my Facebook today and I’ve never felt more relieved. Either support me, or get out. 

All the love, 

Until next time, Barry. 

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To the people who have made me feel worthless, vile and lonely - this is one for you.

To all the people who’ve made me feel worthless, vile and lonely...

I’d love to tell you I’m upset, but I’m not.

I’d love to tell you that I’m missing you, but I’m not.

I’d love to tell you that I am in need of your friendship, but I’m not.

I’d love to tell you that I feel miserable without you, but I don’t.

I’d love to tell you that I want you back in my life, but I don’t.

I’d love to tell you that I care for you, but I don’t.

I’d love to tell you that I miss you, but I won’t.

I’d love to tell you I’m there you for, but I won’t.

I’d love to tell you that we can fix this, but I won’t.

I’d love to be close with you again, but I can’t.

I’d love to pop round for a cuppa and a catch up, but I can’t.

I’d love to help you solve your problems when you need me, but I can’t. 

I can’t be there anymore for people who aren’t there for me. I won’t allow myself to be there for people who won’t be there for me. I don’t want you to be there for me. I’m not letting you get to me anymore. 

To those of you who have given me worth, love and support, whether we have been friends 10 years or 10 days, I just want to thank YOU for being so supportive, caring and compassionate. For having patience with me, whether we speak every day or every month, that doesn’t matter. Whether you’re a 10 minute drive away or a 10 hour round trip away. You’re there. You’re at the end of the phone or in my local pub - that doesn’t matter. 

Just because people are physically there next to you, that doesn’t mean that they’re “there” for you.

Until next time, 

Barry x

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Self-Esteem, Success and the LomL!

'Ere we go, the annoying wanna-be-blogger is back with another chapter of my life that I'm going to bore you all with!!

6 weeks into 2018 and it's so far so good. Sort of. I'm not getting the grades I want at university, I'm only a couple of marks off the grade I want but I'm determined to pull it out my arse and get the 2:1 I've spent the last two and a half years aiming for. Hopefully I'll manage to pull the cat out the bag. 

ANYWAY!! Enough of the uni crap. This post is going to be all about the good things in life. Well in my life. As I said in my last blogpost, link to that is here, this year is going to be my year - there is no two ways about it. Because "at the end of the day, you control your own happiness" SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING!! And I'm going to give you all my little tips and positive thoughts that keep me on my positive path. 

Tips n Tricks

1. Well, one of the biggest problems I face in my life is my stupid self-esteem. I'm gonna sound well big-headed now and there's not a nice way that this will come across but here we go. I don't have a low self-esteem because I think I'm ugly. I don't think I'm the next Kardashian or Queen B, that isn't what I'm saying. But I don't dislike the way I look. I think I've got a decent face, me hair's not too bad and my figure is a work in progress. But it don't matter if you're reading this and thinking "looool you're deluded, you're a munter" because I've got a wonderful boyfriend who loves me even when I'm throwing up the 7 pints I drank on a Friday night. My parents are also my biggest fans, even when they dislike my Tinkerbell make-up... but my real problem with my self-esteem is me as a person. I don't understand why I have friends (I mean I've not got many but smaller circles better n all that), I don't understand why my boyfriend is with me either. I am the clingiest, sensitive, selfish, overly-emotive and laziest person I've ever met. I struggle to see the positives in myself in terms of my personality and I think that's because of the way I've been treated/let myself be treated by other people and there's only so many times you can listen to someone completely rip your personality apart and tell you how much they hate you. Anyway. The way in which I'm combating this internal battle is by listening to the people I care about. My parents, George and wonderful friends have had to constantly reassure me and I'm pretty sure they're fed up of doing it now. So I set myself 3 little to-do things a day such as: make someone smile, tell someone I love how important they are to me, try to help people with their problems etc etc etc. and this makes me feel a bit better because it stops me feeling like what I mentioned above.  

2. Surrounding myself with people who want me to succeed. Nothing will drag you down more than people who don't believe in you/want you to be happy. Whether they say "good luck in your exam!" or "you got this!!" when I'm crying/stressing because I can't fathom out what the f*** the 'public sphere' is!! We need to support each other more!! If your friend is looking fire, tell them, if your feeling super blessed to have the best partner ever, tell them!! And so on etc. Don't let anyone stop you from blossoming into the person you're destined to be! 

3. Get yourself a George Hendy. 

Never have I ever met a human being who is so supportive, loving, kind, wonderful, funny (sometimes), thoughtful and selfless in my whole life. He tolerates everything: my low self-esteem, neediness, terrible sense of humour, long-winded stories which never have any end to them and my hungover state every Sunday morning. I will have days when I hate everything about myself or doubt myself and he picks me right back up. Never known someone be able to listen to and tolerate so much moaning until I met him. 

I owe him everything and I can't wait to see what our future holds, especially our holiday to Egypt this year!! Having a partner who loves you, supports you and values you is something which I never thought I'd have but he really has changed my life. 

Don't settle for anything less than the best, I did for a long time and it ruined me but luckily I found my partner in crime. 

So I'm gonna leave you with that. Get you someone who values, adores and supports you. Push yourself in everything you do. And start to love yourself! Then maybe you'll feel better (I hope!)

Until next time,

Barry x 

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Don't get bitter... get better.

Iya, hope you all had a mint Christmas and New Year n all that jazz. If you were lucky enough to have Christmas off - I hate you, but despite working the majority of the festive period I still had a marvy time.
It's been just over a month since my last post, if you read it you'll be pleased to know I did manage to submit my university assignments that were due. I just now have an exam at the end of the month and then my w o n d e r f u l  13,000 word dissertation and another magazine to create by May - buzzin.

Anyhow. I managed to buy my boyfriend's Christmas present - we're going away for the weekend in February with our friends Josh & Hollie and I cannot wait. Despite me being fully aware that this year is gonna be pure hell until May at least, I am pretty certain that this year is going to be the best one yet...

First things first, this year is the year I (hopefully) graduate from university!!! First and second year were mint, had a right old laugh and enjoyed spending my spare time in the uni pub, spoons and Snobs. Third year has been a big sloppy turd. The workload is completely unmanageable unless you limit yourself to 5 hours sleep a night. The word dissertation makes me wanna cry and I am certainly not ready to be crackin' on with mine. I genuinely think it would be easier to learn Polish. But p o s i t i v e  v i b e s...
I do think I'll do it, if I can make it this far I'm sure I can pull this out of thin air too and then graduate with my favs.

Second reason as to why this year will be the best one yet is because it's the year I become a fully-fledged woman. I make the transition into adulthood as I will be turning 21! This doesn't sound like a big deal to you but considering I've been trying to blag that I'm "twen-teen" rather than 20 because I can't deal with not being a teenager anymore. So 21 is like actually gotta sort my life out. But, I am excited about this god-awful-teenager-to-middle-aged-hag birthday because I will be spending it in Egypt with my better half!!

I haven't been on a proper relaxing holiday for years so I can't wait to have lazy days in the sunshine, go on a camel and push George in the pool (hehe). It is definitely motivating me to smash my university tripe out.

Third reason that this is going to be my year. I've done the stupid-ass, generic New Year's resolution that everyone tries to do every year and finally rejoined the gym. I should never of stopped going but I got comfortable in my relationship and picked Papa John's over pilates and now I look like a pot-bellied pig. But this will change!!  I'm not setting unrealistic goals of trying to lose 3 stone, I just want to lose 8 pounds and be more toned by June - this is reasonable and doable as long as I stop stuffing my face with pizza and a enough Chinese food to feed a family of 4 which me and George somehow demolish between the two of us. My family and friends reading this will shout at me for saying this but hey ho - it's my bod I will do as I please.
I feel better when I go to the gym, physically and mentally. It makes me feel so much better about my life - I do not know why but it does...

Fourth and final reason as to why this year will will be MY YEAR  is because I've promised myself (and my gyal Ash), that this year will be full of positivity because I've not got time for nails. Effort to go into detail but all I will say is...

POSITIVE PEOPLE ONLY IN 2018. 

So that's it. I think... if you've made it this far I hope you've realised that I've used gifs of RuPaul Drag Queens throughout this article so appreciate it...

I'm going to love and leave you with Alyssia Edwards's famous words...

Until next time,
Barry x.

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